May 6, 2015


With Mother’s Day approaching I realized everyone calls their female loved ones and tells them Happy Mother’s Day, but I don’t think many actually discuss what Mother’s really go through on a day-to-day basis. Many Mother’s don’t discuss the physical aspects of carrying a child and child labor, let alone child rearing.  So I decided to open the conversation. I decided to talk about the guilt and constant self-checking that mothers go through pertaining to raising their children.

I wanted to talk to the mothers who feel confused about parenting, guilt, confusion, pressure and then some. Let me tell you NOW you are doing a GREAT job. You should know it, believe it and understand it.  I can’t stand the GOOD MOM/BAD MOM titles. The idea that you are a bad mom because you forgot your daughters tights for her dance recital or your sons cliques for football/soccer practice is simply ridiculous. If that makes you a BAD MOM, then EVERY mother is a BAD MOM. It makes you human and you are raising humans, so let’s just say all is well.

I am NOT a mother but I have counseled many mothers over the years and it hurts my heart to hear them talk about how they feel like they are failing, or how much they wanted for their children. How they want to give their children what they didn’t have or how they themselves feel less than because they are unable to give their children what their neighbors or family members have. 

I am here to tell you to STOP. STOP with those thoughts, because your children feel that and the truth is none of that matters. Those are all things related to outside of who you and your child is. As a parent being self assured and confident about who you are as an individual can help guide & direct you to be a better mother, employee, wife, business owner, friend, lover etc.  

I came across this amazing video of Dr. Shefali Tsabary a clinical psychologist, mother and wife who resides in NYC. She has an award winning book Conscious Parenting which discusses the idea of conscious parenting,  I just couldn’t believe how her ideals are so fitting with mine & life in general.

The ability to self assess independent of societal norms is not only very freeing for you as a parent but imagine if your child didn’t learn to self assess in that manner. How freeing and enlightened would your child be? Let’s be honest peer pressure doesn’t start in adolescence years. Peer pressure starts when you are an infant and continues until you pass away. We spend our entire lives doing what we THINK we are supposed to do based on what our environment, home, community, title, age say we should be doing.  The desire to “fit in” is learned from your home 1st. In your home you hear your parents say, “why is she dressed like that? She’s a married woman” or “why is he mowing the lawn without a shirt on he’s not at the beach”, “that kid is so audacious and has weird opinions”. What your children hear is, when you are married you must dress this way, when you mow the lawn you must wear a shirt, I’m a kid I shouldn’t voice controversial ideas and beliefs. The understanding of individuality and the choices that are born from that is completely lost in translation. Instead you can say, “She has a great sense of style, I now see what he saw in her” or “He’s smart for mowing the lawn with no shirt on, why wait till you get to the shore to catch a tan, kill two bird with one stone why don’t you.” Or “that kid is so thought provoking, he may grow up to be the next, Political Activist, Steve Jobs, or Secretary General of the UN” That would send a different message to your child but it starts with you. And it can be a new quest or journey for you and your children.

What truly matters is your connection to your child, sharing your truth and building your child’s inner confidence independent of societal norms and pressures. Ultimately keeping them as connected with their inner voice as much as possible and reconnecting you with yours can be your next journey and path. 

I understand the challenges and expectations in certain cultures can be a big burden on both parent and child, but no matter your background or history you create and design your own life as well as your family & home life. Instead of grading yourself as a parent simply look at it as a beautiful canvas called life and you simply paint day by day hour by hour, and their will be hurdles and challenges but they build character for all involved particularly children. Therein lye’s the beauty of life, character, personality and individuality accompanied with a STRONG sense of self.

The truth is there is nothing wrong with drinking, gambling, sex even occasional recreational use of certain drugs. {it’s not my thing but it happens & I don't judge} But you don’t want your children to try these substances & activities due to fear it may turn into a lifestyle, bad habit or vice. If they have a strong sense of self you may not have to even have to live with the concern they may try these substances. They may simply not try them because of their sense of self is so strong they don’t have to try it to know they don’t like it. No matter who around them was doing it, and if/when they do decide to indulge it will be at a time they are able to handle it in moderation because they are not covering pain from societal norms, pressures and expectations. Hello, let’s not act like we don’t know what happy hour is. It’s when people leave the job they DON’T like to go release the day with a drink, to unwind and forget their truth. Their truth which is they don’t like what they do, they may not even enjoy multiple aspects of their life, but it’s what they are SUPPOSED to do….says WHO? Says society. But you do not have to join in on those messages and pressures towards your children or yourself. Design your life & your future while doing the same for your children.

Did you find this article helpful? Do you think you are i need of some guidance in the journey of personal growth? Take a look at my LIFE STYLING services & book a COMPLIMENTARY consultation today.


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