With
Mother’s Day approaching I realized everyone calls their female loved ones and
tells them Happy Mother’s Day, but I don’t think many actually discuss what
Mother’s really go through on a day-to-day basis. Many Mother’s don’t discuss the
physical aspects of carrying a child and child labor, let alone child rearing. So I decided to open the conversation. I
decided to talk about the guilt and constant self-checking that mothers go
through pertaining to raising their children.
I
wanted to talk to the mothers who feel confused about parenting, guilt,
confusion, pressure and then some. Let me tell you NOW you are doing a GREAT
job. You should know it, believe it and understand it. I can’t stand the GOOD MOM/BAD MOM titles.
The idea that you are a bad mom because you forgot your daughters tights for
her dance recital or your sons cliques for football/soccer practice is simply
ridiculous. If that makes you a BAD MOM, then EVERY mother is a BAD MOM. It
makes you human and you are raising humans, so let’s just say all is well.
I
am NOT a mother but I have counseled many mothers over the years and it hurts
my heart to hear them talk about how they feel like they are failing, or how
much they wanted for their children. How they want to give their children what
they didn’t have or how they themselves feel less than because they are unable
to give their children what their neighbors or family members have.
I
am here to tell you to STOP. STOP with those thoughts, because your children
feel that and the truth is none of that matters. Those are all things related
to outside of who you and your child is. As a parent being self assured and
confident about who you are as an individual can help guide & direct you to
be a better mother, employee, wife, business owner, friend, lover etc.
The
ability to self assess independent of societal norms is not only very freeing
for you as a parent but imagine if your child didn’t learn to self assess in
that manner. How freeing and enlightened would your child be? Let’s be honest
peer pressure doesn’t start in adolescence years. Peer pressure starts when you
are an infant and continues until you pass away. We spend our entire lives
doing what we THINK we are supposed to do based on what our environment, home,
community, title, age say we should be doing.
The desire to “fit in” is learned from your home 1st. In your home you
hear your parents say, “why is she dressed like that? She’s a married woman” or
“why is he mowing the lawn without a shirt on he’s not at the beach”, “that kid
is so audacious and has weird opinions”. What your children hear is, when you
are married you must dress this way, when you mow the lawn you must wear a
shirt, I’m a kid I shouldn’t voice controversial ideas and beliefs. The
understanding of individuality and the choices that are born from that is
completely lost in translation. Instead you can say, “She has a great sense of
style, I now see what he saw in her” or “He’s smart for mowing the lawn with no
shirt on, why wait till you get to the shore to catch a tan, kill two bird with
one stone why don’t you.” Or “that kid is so thought provoking, he may grow up
to be the next, Political Activist, Steve Jobs, or Secretary General of the UN”
That would send a different message to your child but it starts with you. And
it can be a new quest or journey for you and your children.
What
truly matters is your connection to your child, sharing your truth and building
your child’s inner confidence independent of societal norms and pressures.
Ultimately keeping them as connected with their inner voice as much as possible
and reconnecting you with yours can be your next journey and path.
I understand the challenges and expectations in certain cultures can be a big
burden on both parent and child, but no matter your background or history you
create and design your own life as well as your family & home life. Instead
of grading yourself as a parent simply look at it as a beautiful canvas called
life and you simply paint day by day hour by hour, and their will be hurdles
and challenges but they build character for all involved particularly children.
Therein lye’s the beauty of life, character, personality and individuality
accompanied with a STRONG sense of self.
The truth is there is nothing wrong
with drinking, gambling, sex even occasional recreational use of certain drugs.
{it’s not my thing but it happens & I don't judge} But you don’t want your children to try
these substances & activities due to fear it may turn into a lifestyle, bad
habit or vice. If they have a strong sense of self you may not have to even
have to live with the concern they may try these substances. They may simply
not try them because of their sense of self is so strong they don’t have to try
it to know they don’t like it. No matter who around them was doing it, and
if/when they do decide to indulge it will be at a time they are able to handle
it in moderation because they are not covering pain from societal norms,
pressures and expectations. Hello, let’s not act like we don’t know what happy
hour is. It’s when people leave the job they DON’T like to go release the day
with a drink, to unwind and forget their truth. Their truth which is they don’t
like what they do, they may not even enjoy multiple aspects of their life, but
it’s what they are SUPPOSED to do….says WHO? Says society. But you do not
have to join in on those messages and pressures towards your children or
yourself. Design your life & your future while doing the same for your
children.
Did you find this article helpful? Do you think you are i need of some guidance in the journey of personal growth? Take a look at my LIFE STYLING services & book a COMPLIMENTARY consultation today.
Ladies {& gents} the fun doesn't have to stop here, sign up for the
Sign Up & receive your FREE 5 Step Super Woman Resource Guide
{After all, every Super Hero needs a little reboot time to time!}
Share with a girlfriend and become countability partners!
{After all, every Super Hero needs a little reboot time to time!}
Share with a girlfriend and become countability partners!
No comments:
Post a Comment